It is cheating to post today about Week 3 since I we are already into Week 4 but... here is what I will share about last week.
1) Procrastination is my worst enemy right now.
2) When people ask me how I am, how it's going, etc... my party line is " Welp, I'm being productive"
3) Translation of "Welp, I'm being productive" is I am keeping busy doing anything that remotely seems productive to job searching short of actually applying.
4) Most of the goal accomplishments for this week would involve things that I want to share here b/c I really feel like they should count for something -- caught up on all past email, bills, paid insurance, downloaded MS Office, spent hours on a plan to reorganize a friend's closet, attended Kairos training, babysat 3x, created budget sheet, created Job Search Log, created weekly calendar, bought planner.
5) Recognizing that if I do not schedule my time I will not use it wisely and make excuses for not job hunting so... that's why I created aformentioned weekly calendar tool to carve out specific times for specific things. Going well so far...
6) Dreaded... So, I filed for unemployment. I really don't have a good feeling about it. I don't think there is anything wrong with filing and all but one person I have talked to about it thinks it is the "responsible" thing to do but... I didn't want to... but I did on Friday.
I hadn't heard back, and my past employment hadn't heard either so I called today (which is an extremely frustrating process btw) and apparently my claim is HELD and I can't find out why unless I schedule a meeting with them... but that would require someone at the office to pick up the phone so... outlook cloudy.
Thanks for reading & praying for me!!
M
Goals Accomplished -- Week 3:
* Met with Financial Manager to discuss budget
* Filed for Unemployment
* Registered with Care.com (babysitting site) and applied for some babysitting gigs
Jobs applied for this week: 0
Jobs applied for total: 1
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
UNEMPLOYED -- Week 2
My dad's loving feedback from my last blog post was, "quit whining." I didn't mean to... I thought I was just being authentic, but... he is right.
I know my situation isn't unusual or even particularly interesting but this series of posts is not to be about me or to vent but to showcase the power of God in my life, in this circumstance, in this time.
I had several thoughts strike me this week as I was visiting my parents in the mountains:
First, I am extremely blessed in this circumstance.
I am a single person so I do not have to think about taking care of my family or providing for more than just little ole me - that's a blessing.
I have a GREAT support system including family, friends and even ex-coworkers that think I am more capable and talented than I think I am for sure and that is very encouraging.
I have savings which is helpful.
I have only small monthly bills beyond my mortgage (ie no car payment, school loan, etc...), blessing.
I serve a very BIG God who has promised to use me for His glory.
Second, procrastination is never a flattering trait but I have gotten by with it in the past. I am now seeing it rear it's ugly head in this process and it is not serving me. Not sure how to structure and discipline this character flaw while unemployed but it's gonna have to happen. More on this later I am sure.
Third, my parents are wonderful. I am so grateful to God that I have Christ loving, God serving parents that can encourage me with Truth. I am so thankful that I feel utterly and completely loved by them. I was raised to never doubt God's provision and this week we remembered ways God had provided. Like, when I was being born their insurance with the new church wasn't going to kick in until August 1st. They weren't sure what to do but they prayed and left it up to God. Mom went into labor July 30th. I was born the next day... July 31st. The nurse came to tell my parents that they were having issues with the computers and would they mind if, for insurance purposes, they dated this as August 1st, though my birth certificate would say my actual birthday or July 31st. Needs were met like this all the time growing up and if my parents worried I don't remember seeing it. I am grateful for their demonstrated faithfulness.
All this being said, I am determined to (try) to enjoy this process. If I trust God to provide, if I know He wants to use me, and if I am actively seeking both His will and doing my part then there is no reason to worry and every reason to enjoy the process with true joy so... here I go - week 3.
Goals Accomplished -- Week 2:
* Informal interview #2 (on site)
* Had resume and reference sheet edited by professional editor friend
* Posted to Facebook
* Updated LinkedIn page
* Typed email (and had edited) for friends & family (not sent yet)
Jobs applied for (0)
Total jobs applied for to date: (1)
I know my situation isn't unusual or even particularly interesting but this series of posts is not to be about me or to vent but to showcase the power of God in my life, in this circumstance, in this time.
I had several thoughts strike me this week as I was visiting my parents in the mountains:
First, I am extremely blessed in this circumstance.
I am a single person so I do not have to think about taking care of my family or providing for more than just little ole me - that's a blessing.
I have a GREAT support system including family, friends and even ex-coworkers that think I am more capable and talented than I think I am for sure and that is very encouraging.
I have savings which is helpful.
I have only small monthly bills beyond my mortgage (ie no car payment, school loan, etc...), blessing.
I serve a very BIG God who has promised to use me for His glory.
Second, procrastination is never a flattering trait but I have gotten by with it in the past. I am now seeing it rear it's ugly head in this process and it is not serving me. Not sure how to structure and discipline this character flaw while unemployed but it's gonna have to happen. More on this later I am sure.
Third, my parents are wonderful. I am so grateful to God that I have Christ loving, God serving parents that can encourage me with Truth. I am so thankful that I feel utterly and completely loved by them. I was raised to never doubt God's provision and this week we remembered ways God had provided. Like, when I was being born their insurance with the new church wasn't going to kick in until August 1st. They weren't sure what to do but they prayed and left it up to God. Mom went into labor July 30th. I was born the next day... July 31st. The nurse came to tell my parents that they were having issues with the computers and would they mind if, for insurance purposes, they dated this as August 1st, though my birth certificate would say my actual birthday or July 31st. Needs were met like this all the time growing up and if my parents worried I don't remember seeing it. I am grateful for their demonstrated faithfulness.
All this being said, I am determined to (try) to enjoy this process. If I trust God to provide, if I know He wants to use me, and if I am actively seeking both His will and doing my part then there is no reason to worry and every reason to enjoy the process with true joy so... here I go - week 3.
Goals Accomplished -- Week 2:
* Informal interview #2 (on site)
* Had resume and reference sheet edited by professional editor friend
* Posted to Facebook
* Updated LinkedIn page
* Typed email (and had edited) for friends & family (not sent yet)
Jobs applied for (0)
Total jobs applied for to date: (1)
Friday, August 10, 2012
UNEMPLOYED - Week 1
The thought is, I will blog at least once a week until I secure a job. I will do this for posterity, to highlight anything God may do in this time, and lastly to keep me accountable (see Goals section at bottom).
At the end of June/early July I learned that I was being laid off. Even though I agree that it was time for me to leave the job, I have been there 8 years. Eight years. On top of that, I've never NOT had a job (double negative and all) and there is a degree of shame when you are ceremoniously laid off, "kicked out of the nest," let go... fired.
There was a when time I loved my job... but even when I didn't love my job, I have always loved work. From waiting tables, to cashiering at Texaco, or working in the dining hall in college, to parenting troubled teens on the weekends, to adult jobs like scheduling production lines, to helping nonprofits choose sustainable funding, I love to work. I get a feeling of worthiness from working... from doing a good job, being great at something.
For this reason, the realization that this is not a really, really long weekend or vacation, and I am actually unemployed is something I will have to process, grieve, and mourn at some point. People who know how unhappy I have been the last year and a half are quick to remind me that I wanted this. That I need a change. That God is in control of this circumstance. I agree. I KNOW. But I am sad. I keep moving down my to-do list (minus the actual applying of jobs), staying busy but I think it is likely to hit me if I ever allow myself to slow down.
One thing I have (re)learned about myself this week is that I HATE money so I have ignored it prior to now. As a child, God always (sometimes miraculously) provided for my family of six on a pastors salary. As an adult, I have never had to worry about money. I realize what a HUGE blessing that is. I also realize worrying with my situation is a first world problem, but it is now my problem.
More than hating money, I DETEST making decisions of most (if not all) types. When you are unemployed you are forced to make a lot of decisions all at once. Decisions that feel incredibly important; like they may define your life for the next 10 years.
All of these decisions, despite their form, are about or include money. I hate it, and worse, I resent it.
Because of this, I have had glimpses of an almost cry. I have experienced uncharacteristic moodiness stemming from what feels like uncontrollable annoyance and latent anger. I don't know what I am annoyed with or angry at or why it bubbles up in either completely unreasonable fury at the 50 millionth chic-fil-a FB post of a friend, or in dreams of punching the person talking behind me during the $2 movie, OR showing up like my good old friend, the panic attack.
I am grateful I have a roommate this month. I think it is God designed provision because if she wasn't there I am pretty sure I would have balled up at the end of my bed in the fetal position with my fingers in my ears, rocking back and forth. Well, that's a bit extreme but.. I purposefully filled my first week of unemployment with morning meetings and projects so I would have been fine, but having a great friend at home has been helpful. But also allows me to prolong the processing that (for me) is very necessary.
Next week I plan to spend with my parents in the mountains. Their house feels like vacation to me. It is calm (when they aren't in the kitchen) and beautiful and laid back so I am hoping it allows me the time to process, plan, actually start acting like I need a job, and most importantly PRAY. I can honestly say I haven't prayed for direction yet. I haven't spent time seeking God, I've just kept busy.
I am scared to process because I don't like feeling emotions I can't control. And I am scared to be still and listen because I fear I won't hear from Him. Both are ridiculous and unhealthy fears.
Despite the tone of this post, I AM excited about the next 'chapter of life,' and I am desperate for God's direction. Exodus 33:15-16 is a favorite passage of mine, I think I have quoted it in an earlier post, but I will tell you it has never been more true a prayer for my heart than right now.
Goals accomplished- WEEK 1:
* Had informal meeting to learn about job possibility (good practice if nothing else)
* Met with a recruiter friend to get opinions on resume/marketability
* Canceled phone line/ordered Airrave from Sprint (to save money)
* Decided on healthcare plan
* Updated my LinkedIn profile
* Compiled list of references
* Started this blog
* Applied for (1) job
Total jobs applied for: 1
At the end of June/early July I learned that I was being laid off. Even though I agree that it was time for me to leave the job, I have been there 8 years. Eight years. On top of that, I've never NOT had a job (double negative and all) and there is a degree of shame when you are ceremoniously laid off, "kicked out of the nest," let go... fired.
There was a when time I loved my job... but even when I didn't love my job, I have always loved work. From waiting tables, to cashiering at Texaco, or working in the dining hall in college, to parenting troubled teens on the weekends, to adult jobs like scheduling production lines, to helping nonprofits choose sustainable funding, I love to work. I get a feeling of worthiness from working... from doing a good job, being great at something.
For this reason, the realization that this is not a really, really long weekend or vacation, and I am actually unemployed is something I will have to process, grieve, and mourn at some point. People who know how unhappy I have been the last year and a half are quick to remind me that I wanted this. That I need a change. That God is in control of this circumstance. I agree. I KNOW. But I am sad. I keep moving down my to-do list (minus the actual applying of jobs), staying busy but I think it is likely to hit me if I ever allow myself to slow down.
One thing I have (re)learned about myself this week is that I HATE money so I have ignored it prior to now. As a child, God always (sometimes miraculously) provided for my family of six on a pastors salary. As an adult, I have never had to worry about money. I realize what a HUGE blessing that is. I also realize worrying with my situation is a first world problem, but it is now my problem.
More than hating money, I DETEST making decisions of most (if not all) types. When you are unemployed you are forced to make a lot of decisions all at once. Decisions that feel incredibly important; like they may define your life for the next 10 years.
All of these decisions, despite their form, are about or include money. I hate it, and worse, I resent it.
Because of this, I have had glimpses of an almost cry. I have experienced uncharacteristic moodiness stemming from what feels like uncontrollable annoyance and latent anger. I don't know what I am annoyed with or angry at or why it bubbles up in either completely unreasonable fury at the 50 millionth chic-fil-a FB post of a friend, or in dreams of punching the person talking behind me during the $2 movie, OR showing up like my good old friend, the panic attack.
I am grateful I have a roommate this month. I think it is God designed provision because if she wasn't there I am pretty sure I would have balled up at the end of my bed in the fetal position with my fingers in my ears, rocking back and forth. Well, that's a bit extreme but.. I purposefully filled my first week of unemployment with morning meetings and projects so I would have been fine, but having a great friend at home has been helpful. But also allows me to prolong the processing that (for me) is very necessary.
Next week I plan to spend with my parents in the mountains. Their house feels like vacation to me. It is calm (when they aren't in the kitchen) and beautiful and laid back so I am hoping it allows me the time to process, plan, actually start acting like I need a job, and most importantly PRAY. I can honestly say I haven't prayed for direction yet. I haven't spent time seeking God, I've just kept busy.
I am scared to process because I don't like feeling emotions I can't control. And I am scared to be still and listen because I fear I won't hear from Him. Both are ridiculous and unhealthy fears.
Despite the tone of this post, I AM excited about the next 'chapter of life,' and I am desperate for God's direction. Exodus 33:15-16 is a favorite passage of mine, I think I have quoted it in an earlier post, but I will tell you it has never been more true a prayer for my heart than right now.
Goals accomplished- WEEK 1:
* Had informal meeting to learn about job possibility (good practice if nothing else)
* Met with a recruiter friend to get opinions on resume/marketability
* Canceled phone line/ordered Airrave from Sprint (to save money)
* Decided on healthcare plan
* Updated my LinkedIn profile
* Compiled list of references
* Started this blog
* Applied for (1) job
Total jobs applied for: 1
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