When it sucks to be single

I don't really struggle with being single... I don't mean to say that I never have moments where I wish for a family, or try on my sisters engagement ring, or covet someone elses children, or sleep with a knife under my pillow :), but overall- day to day, I feel pretty satisfied and complete in life.

My conversations with other singles have increased as of late. We all agree on certain things that well intentioned married people say that are quite frustrating.

For example:
* God has someone out there for you.
(that's not scriptural)

* Do you think you are being too picky?
(this is the rest of my life, so no, I don't)

* Maybe if you were a little more approachable... a little less... handled. Guys like to be needed.
(out of necessity I have been taking care of myself the last 10 years, I can't act any differently)

* Why don't you try online dating?
(I have better things to do with my time than shop online)

* Christian guys just won't take risks. You should ask them maybe. I would set you up if I knew anyone.
(Whining about Christian guys is a conversation better had with them)

* OH, I have a friend that's single- maybe you guys could go out.
.Um, I am going to need a little more in common than our marital status)

* [Family function- haven't seen me in years- first question] So, are you dating anyone?
(nope, and now I feel like a loser, and yes, I prefer boys)

Granted I put my own spin on this but these are pretty accurate translations to single (female) ears.

For the record, while well intended, none of these are helpful; I wasn't worried about this to begin with.

In all fairness though, I have never asked for what I need - this post is my attempt to do just that.

For ME, being single is hard at very specific times.

I want a family more than anything so... being single is hard when:
* My best friend tells me she is pregnant with number 3 and I feel so behind. We were supposed to be raising our kids like cousins.
* A close friend is having issues with her kids, or marriage, or breastfeeding and I am not the person she calls because I can't help.
* I am babysitting and the child doesn't want me to put them to bed, they want their mommy and it doesn't matter how much fun they had with me, it's not the same and I can't make them feel 100% safe.

I want to be an irreplaceable encouragement and support to a godly man... so being single is hard when:
* people gossip
* people expect me to think for married people when I have no context

I want a witness to my life so... being single is hard when:
* I have to make a tough decision and seek the Lord on giving my finances sacrificially and I have to wrestle with the decision and celebrate the outcome alone.
* I am having a hard time and no one I trust, who knows me well, answers their phone.
* I do something really neat, or really stupid and there is no one watching.

These arent needs in my life, they are wants, but regardless they have already been met.

When I think about how many amazing babies, children, & teens that God allows me to know and the love He has given me for them I am overwhelmed. When they share their lives with me, I am humbled. When I think about the number of families of all different types and sizes that include me in their lives I am thankful. As a single I can give more time, talent, and self than I could in any other stage of life.
I have family through Christ Jesus.

I have been blessed with healthy friendships with couples where they know my heart and allow me to encourage them individually and as a unit. I have been put in positions where I can use my God-given skills to support the ministry efforts of godly men (and women) I respect and trust. These relationships allow me to serve in my sweet spot in a fulfilling and appropriate way.
I have purpose and the role of encourager through Christ Jesus.

I have several friends that know me VERY well that seek to be a part of my life and many others I am getting to know and be known by. But more importantly than that, I have a Savior who knew me before I was born, who chose me, who died for me, and who knows me and loves me more than any man will, ever and forever.
My witness is on high.

So... being single is only hard when I forget that Jesus Christ was, is, and will always be sufficient.

You want to encourage me? As a single? Join me in believing that He is enough.
-M

And so we know and rely on the love GOD has for us. 1 John 4:16a

Not THAT girl.

YOU'RE
Your weakness disgusts me
I can barely stand to watch you breathe as you hide in your sleep
I can barely stand to watch you chew as you hide in your overindulgence
I can barely stand to watch your lips move as you hide in new excuses, disappointing someone else...again.
You sit on your ass and I am revolted by your laziness
My self righteous indignation causes me to want to hurt you
The thought of causing you pain enters my mind like a fresh breeze, blowing a perverse smile across my face
I imagine "teaching you a lesson" and causing you pain plays in my head like a home movie
I roll my eyes as you whine
I suck my teeth as you swear to change
I clench my fists as your words fall on numb ears
I bite my lip as you defend yourself, pity yourself
I have no pity for you, no sympathy
I detest you
I loathe being around you
I hate your sad eyes, overused frown... your scars
You can't hide who you really are
You're empty
rejected,
damaged,
pathetic
Your weakness shows in every face you make
Your desperation is heard in every syllable you speak
Your urgency is transparent in every attempt you make to hide
No one else may see if for what it is, but I do
I KNOW you
I hate you
I hurt you
Because you're me.

- MA 5/2003

Ouch. That's harsh.

God has taught me SO much over the last 7 years... Right?
I am not THAT girl... Right?

I thought so, but then I sin in a way that I thought I was beyond and I am right back here, feeling JUST like this, in MOMENTS.

What is WRONG with me?? Just like that I am pathetic, weak, completely frustrated, unworthy, lost.

But... why I am so arrogant to be surprised that I would sin? How self absorbed to be so disgusted at me, God's creation, than my SIN.

Sin makes the picture of Christ's sacrifice the amazing and beautiful gift that it is. It is this sin that shows me how depraved I am, and how much I need a Savior.

Not excusing my sin, but it is a lie from Satan that I am anything less than God's child whom He loves enough to send His only Son to die on my behalf so that I can glorify His name by accepting His incredible gift of grace.

So, No, I am NOT that girl.

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. Romans 3:23-25a