Dating is hard.
As a former "single for life" person, I know that sounds obnoxious to my single friends but... it's true. It's really, really hard. At least it is for me.

It started out fun... quickly it became work... and now it's hard work.  

Dating is awkward and I will tell you why.
With marriage the commitment is made and so the work is necessary. I must be selfless.
With dating the commitment is being decided and the work is optional. I can be selfish.

The impact of this distinction is significant.
In marriage I would 100% commit and seek to love my spouse more than myself and scripturally their response/treatment to me should not change my commitment to love them selflessly.
With dating I am still deciding if this person is worth committing to for the rest of my life and their treatment of me does impact how I view my future. I am allowed to have expectations b/c this is setting the tone for my future.

Personally, I struggle with not being 100% committed in dating b/c I'm not wired to give less than 100% when I love. At the same time, I therefore have expectations that are not being met by a person who is unwilling to commit at that level.

Do I commit until otherwise led (or he makes the decision for me) or do I quit while I still can?

I thought that when I would date 'the one' I would feel - loved, secure, respected, adored, appreciated, wanted, needed, whole.

Sometimes I feel these things.
Sometimes I feel - tolerated, insecure, pathetic, insufficient, unconsidered, forgotten, ignored, lonely.

When I feel those things, I also feel like I hate him.  
Quitting seems like relief. Painful yes, but ultimately the easier thing.  

I had none of these issues as a single... seriously.
I feel lonelier now than I think I have ever felt in my life.

Most advice I'm given is along the lines of:  
* You deserve better/more
* Don't settle
* If he loved you then...
* Shouldn't be this hard
* He should make you feel...
* If you can't trust him...

But that's not marriage... that's conditional commitment... but  then again I'm not married...

Truth is:
I deserve death but Christ paid for my sin
My wholeness is found in Christ
My future is up to a sovereign God

These other feelings are of Satan.

In dating,
I haven't been this dependent on God in a long time.
I haven't cried out to Him this much in a long time, or maybe ever.
I haven't had to struggle with this much hidden sin in a long time.

I am annoyed by how much this situation consumes me.
I am embarrassed by how much sin it brings up in me (pride, lust, fear, anger, etc)

But, I experienced freedom in Christ as a single.
I feel like until I can experience Christ in a pair, then I am missing the next level of my walk.

Waiting for the Lord to show me the next step with a willingness to be open handed.
Asking for the godliness to enjoy the process of sanctification.
Waiting to be confided in, released, relieved, forgiven.

The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.
¹⁵ My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
¹⁷ Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.
¹⁸ Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.