Predestination & Politics

DISCLAIMER: I am choosing not to discuss my politics issue by issue but more show a little bit of my heart and why I am so passionate. I am choosing to post this here vs. facebook b/c this is a personal post- not a forum for which to discuss political views. I am also not trying to convince anyone of predestination. Please consider this if you choose to post a comment. Thank you.

I have been worried for a while now that my politics have defined my character for the people who are in my life for this season and honestly I feel more alone here with so much community, than I did as the token Christian in Seattle, with little community so I am going to share a little of the perspective I have in hopes it helps me feel heard.

I am the daughter of a Southern Baptist preacher. You say Southern Baptist and people automatically have preconceived notions but my father is a non-typical SB preacher. He is AMAZING and everyone LOVES him upon meeting him; it is truly ridiculous! The reason people love him is because he LOVES people, ALL people. When you meet him you immediately see Christ and people respond to him like no one else I have ever known.

Growing up I was taught that kind of love. You love people where they are because Christ loves you unconditionally; you give people the benefit of the doubt because you have been given unlimited grace; you give away freely because nothing you have is yours-God blessed you with it; you love people where they are because God loves you, a sinner; you forgive much because you have been forgiven much- retribution is the Lord's; you share the gospel in word and deed because it is a privilege and the most important thing you can give someone; you encourage obedience and hold people responsible because you do not want them to be separated from their Creator, not because you want to win, or see changed behavior; You love others well because HE FIRST LOVED YOU. Period.

In college, I was involved in a ministry that introduced me to the topic of predestination- God's Sovereign choice in salvation. This was a hard concept for me to swallow being that I had been raised hearing 'free will.' Believing that people had the power to make a decision for a good they cannot understand. I railed against the idea that a loving God would choose to send anyone to hell. I would much rather blame you (unrepentant sinner) than accept that God has designed people for hell. I fought with anyone in the ministry who would engage; I yelled at a hateful God I could not serve when I was confronted with what I now believe is Truth.

I did an internship with Prison Fellowship the summer before my senior semester in college. That summer was the healthiest I have ever been spiritually mainly because I spent time in the Word every morning. I began objectively reading His words and read verses I couldn't explain away with free will. God was speaking to ME directly and intimately and showing a facet of His character I had never really understood- His Holiness and in turn my incredible unworthiness and depravity.

Humbled, broken, and desparately aware of my sin I was finally able to accept the amazingness of His grace! Never to be taken advantage of again. Finally understanding that I did nothing, NOTHING to deserve the grace of God in my life, the sacrifice of His Son, the privilege of being used for His glory, the future hope of eternity in His presence. Finally understanding that we all deserve Hell, that people going to hell glorifies a Holy God, and people going to heaven is mercy alone, that when hearts are changed it is God doing the action...there is nothing in me that would have me choose Him.

Because I was raised to love people- I love FIERCELY, and unconditionally.

Because I am in AWE of God's grace in my life, I seek to extend grace to others.

When I recognize that it is by the grace of God alone that I was born in a free country, with the supportive family I have, the education level I was able to achieve, and the faith HE alone gives me I am unable to judge the lost around me- I just want to help them.

It would be great to be able to help those in need through the church alone but we can't even get Christians to tithe so... if the government (a institution that is not designed by God, nor used by Christ to motivate obedience) is large enough to protect those that need protection then I am in favor.

Recognizing that some people will abuse the system and that's not fair in human temporal standards, but understanding again that I have been given grace, I am blessed with more than I need through no work of my own, and I (thankfully) have no authority to judge the condition of hearts,

Recognizing that God hates murder- of the unborn, of the innocent, of the misguided and deceived, of the sinner who could still have time to repent,

Recognizing that issues are not black and white but complicated, and that the government, regardless of party, is full of lost people just like the world around me,

Recognizing that people are sinful and legislating morality does not turn people to God but rather shows an intolerance of behavior that Christ never displayed (outside the defiling of God's temple),

Recognizing that it is my responsibility as a citizen and as a person of faith to stay informed by reliable sources, to seek God in my decisions and remain open to His leading, to consistently pray for our leaders,

Recognizing all of this- I pray, and I unashamedly vote in obedience.

The insinuation that fellow Christians need to 'overlook' that in me, or 'forgive' that or 'still love me in spite of that' is extremely offensive to me.

Thankfully, despite our disagreements on any or all of these issues, we can both rest in the Sovereignty of a Holy God and that is indeed a comfort.

Nope, this blog won't be about being single...but this post is

My first and only official boyfriend was my high school sweetheart; he was also my last relationship when I re-dated him for 6 months in 2003. That's right, it's been SEVEN years (IF you even count the re-dating incident which I like to chalk up to a colossal lapse in judgment).

My last date was probably over two years ago when, in a desperate attempt to escape my 'working from home' hermit-like existence, I posted an ad on Craigslist just to get out of the house. Sigh, I know.

USUALLY I am perfectly content single...really. I am very busy with things I LOVE to do, things that matter. I am beginning to form what I hope will become deep friendships with people I adore and respect. I 100% trust God with my future (most days). I have a career, I own a home, I have no debt, and I have been paying my own bills for at least the last 9 years.

HOWEVER, this time last year, I reconnected with a guy I knew from a couple mission trips I went on in the late 90's. When you are single and you reconnect with someone through random circumstances you have to really fight the urge to make it more of a divine connection than it may be.

But for the first time in years I was actually excited about someone!

Thankfully God did a good job of honoring my desperate prayers to protect my heart and keep me in His will b/c though this guy is pretty perfect- he is apparently pretty perfect for someone else.

So excitement died, and what sucked the most about this is that my lovely little self-righteous mantra that "God never promised me a husband, that isn't a biblical promise I can claim," while still just as valid, doesn't seem to do quite the job it use to.

The other day it hit me that I hide behind that little mantra to protect myself from asking God for what I really want... or what I think I want (most days). So I am going to admit it here though it pains me to be what (if I am honest) I perceive as a weak.

I want to get married.
I want to be a wife.
I want to be a mother.
I want someone to want to provide for me.
I want to be submissive to a spiritual leader who I respect, and who challenges me.
I want to be an active participant and constant support in my husbands ministry.
I want to be supported by my husband in my own ministry efforts.
I want to make decisions with someone who is equally invested in the outcome.
I want a partner to help me do more than we could ever do alone.
I want to feel safe having arguments with one who is committed to me and therefore resolution.
I want to know and be known as completely as we can on earth.
I want to fall in love with the Christ I see in a man.
I want to be completely and sacrificially in love with a man I genuinely like.

So I will ask God for this.

AND if this is not God's will for me then I want a REALLY BIG PURPOSE that only I, as the single person He created, could accomplish for His eternal purpose.

For now I will pray that I recognize this as true in my life:
8I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will dwell securely. 11You will make known to me the path of Life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:8-9, 11 (NASB)