When it sucks to be single

I don't really struggle with being single... I don't mean to say that I never have moments where I wish for a family, or try on my sisters engagement ring, or covet someone elses children, or sleep with a knife under my pillow :), but overall- day to day, I feel pretty satisfied and complete in life.

My conversations with other singles have increased as of late. We all agree on certain things that well intentioned married people say that are quite frustrating.

For example:
* God has someone out there for you.
(that's not scriptural)

* Do you think you are being too picky?
(this is the rest of my life, so no, I don't)

* Maybe if you were a little more approachable... a little less... handled. Guys like to be needed.
(out of necessity I have been taking care of myself the last 10 years, I can't act any differently)

* Why don't you try online dating?
(I have better things to do with my time than shop online)

* Christian guys just won't take risks. You should ask them maybe. I would set you up if I knew anyone.
(Whining about Christian guys is a conversation better had with them)

* OH, I have a friend that's single- maybe you guys could go out.
.Um, I am going to need a little more in common than our marital status)

* [Family function- haven't seen me in years- first question] So, are you dating anyone?
(nope, and now I feel like a loser, and yes, I prefer boys)

Granted I put my own spin on this but these are pretty accurate translations to single (female) ears.

For the record, while well intended, none of these are helpful; I wasn't worried about this to begin with.

In all fairness though, I have never asked for what I need - this post is my attempt to do just that.

For ME, being single is hard at very specific times.

I want a family more than anything so... being single is hard when:
* My best friend tells me she is pregnant with number 3 and I feel so behind. We were supposed to be raising our kids like cousins.
* A close friend is having issues with her kids, or marriage, or breastfeeding and I am not the person she calls because I can't help.
* I am babysitting and the child doesn't want me to put them to bed, they want their mommy and it doesn't matter how much fun they had with me, it's not the same and I can't make them feel 100% safe.

I want to be an irreplaceable encouragement and support to a godly man... so being single is hard when:
* people gossip
* people expect me to think for married people when I have no context

I want a witness to my life so... being single is hard when:
* I have to make a tough decision and seek the Lord on giving my finances sacrificially and I have to wrestle with the decision and celebrate the outcome alone.
* I am having a hard time and no one I trust, who knows me well, answers their phone.
* I do something really neat, or really stupid and there is no one watching.

These arent needs in my life, they are wants, but regardless they have already been met.

When I think about how many amazing babies, children, & teens that God allows me to know and the love He has given me for them I am overwhelmed. When they share their lives with me, I am humbled. When I think about the number of families of all different types and sizes that include me in their lives I am thankful. As a single I can give more time, talent, and self than I could in any other stage of life.
I have family through Christ Jesus.

I have been blessed with healthy friendships with couples where they know my heart and allow me to encourage them individually and as a unit. I have been put in positions where I can use my God-given skills to support the ministry efforts of godly men (and women) I respect and trust. These relationships allow me to serve in my sweet spot in a fulfilling and appropriate way.
I have purpose and the role of encourager through Christ Jesus.

I have several friends that know me VERY well that seek to be a part of my life and many others I am getting to know and be known by. But more importantly than that, I have a Savior who knew me before I was born, who chose me, who died for me, and who knows me and loves me more than any man will, ever and forever.
My witness is on high.

So... being single is only hard when I forget that Jesus Christ was, is, and will always be sufficient.

You want to encourage me? As a single? Join me in believing that He is enough.
-M

And so we know and rely on the love GOD has for us. 1 John 4:16a

Nope, this blog won't be about being single...but this post is

My first and only official boyfriend was my high school sweetheart; he was also my last relationship when I re-dated him for 6 months in 2003. That's right, it's been SEVEN years (IF you even count the re-dating incident which I like to chalk up to a colossal lapse in judgment).

My last date was probably over two years ago when, in a desperate attempt to escape my 'working from home' hermit-like existence, I posted an ad on Craigslist just to get out of the house. Sigh, I know.

USUALLY I am perfectly content single...really. I am very busy with things I LOVE to do, things that matter. I am beginning to form what I hope will become deep friendships with people I adore and respect. I 100% trust God with my future (most days). I have a career, I own a home, I have no debt, and I have been paying my own bills for at least the last 9 years.

HOWEVER, this time last year, I reconnected with a guy I knew from a couple mission trips I went on in the late 90's. When you are single and you reconnect with someone through random circumstances you have to really fight the urge to make it more of a divine connection than it may be.

But for the first time in years I was actually excited about someone!

Thankfully God did a good job of honoring my desperate prayers to protect my heart and keep me in His will b/c though this guy is pretty perfect- he is apparently pretty perfect for someone else.

So excitement died, and what sucked the most about this is that my lovely little self-righteous mantra that "God never promised me a husband, that isn't a biblical promise I can claim," while still just as valid, doesn't seem to do quite the job it use to.

The other day it hit me that I hide behind that little mantra to protect myself from asking God for what I really want... or what I think I want (most days). So I am going to admit it here though it pains me to be what (if I am honest) I perceive as a weak.

I want to get married.
I want to be a wife.
I want to be a mother.
I want someone to want to provide for me.
I want to be submissive to a spiritual leader who I respect, and who challenges me.
I want to be an active participant and constant support in my husbands ministry.
I want to be supported by my husband in my own ministry efforts.
I want to make decisions with someone who is equally invested in the outcome.
I want a partner to help me do more than we could ever do alone.
I want to feel safe having arguments with one who is committed to me and therefore resolution.
I want to know and be known as completely as we can on earth.
I want to fall in love with the Christ I see in a man.
I want to be completely and sacrificially in love with a man I genuinely like.

So I will ask God for this.

AND if this is not God's will for me then I want a REALLY BIG PURPOSE that only I, as the single person He created, could accomplish for His eternal purpose.

For now I will pray that I recognize this as true in my life:
8I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will dwell securely. 11You will make known to me the path of Life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:8-9, 11 (NASB)